Evil Bitch

Mon, 16 Jul 2001 19:47:02 GMT

I need something.

Damned world, life sucks.

Sun, 15 Jul 2001 03:46:03 GMT

I have been so awful feeling recently, I can't stand living anymore. This is all too much and I'm tired. I don't even want to get up in the morning. I'm just failing at everything I've ever tried to do. Kevin said he wouldn't talk to me again if I puked again, and, since his friendship really matters to me, I promised I wouldn't, but today I was just so close, as in standing by the toilet close, but I didn't. Why? Because that is how much he means, but it would just be easier to give up. I haven't cut in a while either, but I am feeling so fucking low...I don't know what to do anymore. I don't care. It's that anymore, I WANT people to hate me.

And on another, less depressing note, I found someone who claims that Kevin is their worst enemy. Even got me to hate him...at a time, even though I didn't know him at the time. Amanda (aka, Matt Chains), my best friend from 3rd grade. This Kevin person, who was so mean to her, I mean, I guess he was really mean, but I don't know, cuz it really affected her, she talked about him being so mean all through 4th grade. And I never connected it until now. By the way, Amanda is really hyper, and she makes me really hyper, it's very odd. Also, Allie reminds me of Amanda a little.

Leave me the fuck alone, please. There is nothing you can do. No one really gives a fuck about me anyway so stop pretending.

Tue, 10 Jul 2001 06:32:59 GMT

finally i get to be online later, but this time there' no one else on. damnit. damnit. damnit. I want someone to talk to, really badly, so someone come online and talk to me. My aim is iliveinawall.

Thu, 31 May 2001 02:26:53 GMT

once i tried at happiness and failed miserably.

Wed, 30 May 2001 21:59:10 GMT

eh, oddness, after the shrink i came home and did homework. yes, oh the excitement of the day! (note sarcasm) my ear hurts, good. can of ass!!!

Wed, 30 May 2001 15:33:42 GMT

feeling very odd today. i'm pretty sure that most of the world hates me, but this time i really don't care. it's funny almost. i'm very disconnected. i peirced my ear, which i've already stated, so now i have pain, whenever i want. haha. well anyway, today i have a shrink to go to, fun. lovely, great, i can't even tell her what's actually going on. oh well, i will eventually.

Wed, 30 May 2001 05:11:32 GMT

i am very depressed, the only thing i can think of to make myself feel better is can of ass. hehe, can of ass. i hate being depressed.

Wed, 30 May 2001 04:59:17 GMT

damned life and parents and brain, ech, i want to die. get to bone.

Wed, 30 May 2001 03:41:03 GMT

oh no, mary might have to follow me around school friday, aaaahhhhh, damn her to heaven. uh, everybody where black and glare at the little kids on friday, hehe, funny, mary was going to come the whole day with me though, that will surely suck. damn.

Tue, 29 May 2001 15:45:40 GMT

i peirced my ear at midnight with a safety pin, oh the funness, a creative way of inflicting pain on myself. but oh, how to tell the mother?

Tue, 29 May 2001 05:22:20 GMT

ahhhhh, hyperactivity!!!!!!and insomnia but oh well, damned brain. why does stuff have to happen to me?

Tue, 29 May 2001 02:38:58 GMT

i despise my parents, they're always bitching at me and making me feel worthless, then they ignore my emotions, just like friends, the only difference is that they have the legal right to make me feel like shit if they choose. i'm worthless andi just want to die beyond any other feeling or wish i have it is to die, so here i am now, cutting myself again, tearing at my arm, so now there are many bleeding gashes, i wish that my knife was sharp enough to cut deep, i need the pain now, it's the only thing that's keeping me going, if only to die, because i've been abandoned by everything else.

Tue, 29 May 2001 02:21:40 GMT

Being torn apart
from my soul
goading you
Attack me
Ripped and ruined
lying bloody by the back door,
I wasn't found
no, I'll never be found...
no, not again.
Stand against the holes
and screaming memories
I walk away.
came home, said everything's alright
but I never did come back.
Isn't me,
some hollow echo
shadow being
Who was I
back then?
Every nightmare's
being torn apart again,
not really living anymore.
you
never knew.

Tue, 29 May 2001 02:15:55 GMT

This is starting to amuse me, in the most morbid sence ogf the word, how easy it must be to hate me. Cuz it sure is a hell of a lot easier to ignore me than fucking talk to me. Makes me feel like shit, like i don't matter at all, or at least not enough to talk to. I've been trying to talk to my friends the whole fucking weekend, but no one ever wants to talk to me, i'm beginning to think i'm being blocked...and that would hurt, especially right now, i'm really feeling like shit. I don't exactly understand what i may have done, but i'm sure i did something to deserve this...and i'm sorry...but...i wish some one would explain...i just don't understand.
I'm in pain right now, i feel worthless, bloody dead. i'm nothing anymore, and i'm sorry for all that i've done. please, tell me what i did...

Tue, 29 May 2001 00:50:14 GMT

why do i have to keep going on like this? why can't i just die?

Tue, 29 May 2001 00:36:07 GMT

are people ignoring me? cuz it feels like i'm being ignored and like people don't care. why won't people talk to me?

Mon, 28 May 2001 18:51:13 GMT

depressed as hell and i hate my parents.

Mon, 28 May 2001 18:43:36 GMT

allergies suck and they should die.

Mon, 28 May 2001 18:41:26 GMT

i wish that i wasn't such a bad person, wish that i knew how to socialize too. i never talk to people. i hear that i should start...but sometimes it's just way to difficult. i don'ty know, online it's easier to talk to people, especially those that i don't know. i wish someone was online to talk to.

Mon, 28 May 2001 17:53:47 GMT

i wish i had someone to do something with today, i am incredibly bored, so someone im me or something.

Mon, 28 May 2001 16:30:10 GMT

there's this realization i've had. that after high-school all my friend will go about their seperate ways and we'll probably never see each other again and they'll forget about me, and i might even start to forget about them. see here's the lie, that friendship can last forever, and it can't. it always ends and then you are always forgotten. i don't enjoy the prospect of losing those i care about, but i know that it's going to happen...and it saddens me.

Mon, 28 May 2001 05:37:15 GMT

i wish that i had some reason to be alive. i'm so fucking depressed but i know that i shouldn't tell anyone about it, i shouldn't be wasting your time.

Mon, 28 May 2001 05:14:50 GMT

the sperm say hi.

Mon, 28 May 2001 01:09:08 GMT

damned world and mind why won't it let me die?

Sun, 27 May 2001 19:01:25 GMT

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